10 days have passed, 10 days of working out and eating right...10 days of looking for a house to move to...10 days of having no luck in any of these things...10 days of wondering....
Lets start with the 'new' lifestyle...I have been working out 5 days a week, watching what I eat and taking my vitamins...so far I have not noticed a change, gained a few pounds actually, now that my friends is a bit of a kick in the pants...I will admit to a bit of disappointment however I am still committed to continuing on this journey. I do think that I am feeling better although the stress of the last few months has made it difficult to notice.
The other hard part is the realization that we are going to have to move into a small place that is probably situated in a neighborhood that I am not thrilled with. This is a very hard thing for me to deal with...I am surprised by the feelings that I am having...not quite ready to downsize and it makes it apparent that the dream is definitely gone. I now that it is stupid but I am finding that I am grieving the loss of being comfortable in my old age, you know the one...sitting with the one you love on the porch waiting for the grandkids to arrive and bake cookies...a little house with the mortgage almost paid off and the occasional trip to someplace tropical in the winter...and for the record it makes me mad!
Now please don't get me wrong, I love most things about my life....I could live without the financial hardship but I love my kids and adore my handsome grandson!! I am fortunate enough to also have an adopted granddaughter who is cute as can be. I have a job I love (albeit a bit stressful these days) and some of the most amazing friends anyone could have....I still sometimes long for a life that is not quite so difficult.
So as hard as some of it is, as much as some days throwing in the towel seems like a good plan I intend to go on with the new lifestyle, I plan to look for a home that Jordan & I can be comfortable in and I plan to continue to trust that God will provide..
He that endureth to the end shall be saved.
--Matthew 10:22
....so I shall endure =)
sounds completely frustrating and understandable at the same time. your feelings are very valid, so go ahead and grieve what you need to. I think you are an amazing woman!!
ReplyDelete"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit" Psalm 34:18. (and yes just for the record I did misspell Psalm.... twice)
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