Sunday, June 20, 2010

Change is imminent.

Writers block has been visiting my house along with the bronchitis and strep...with nothing but fevers and gross things to talk about so I decided to skip it but here is what has been on my mind this past week.

Life is starting to change in ways that I had not anticipated...well I am not an idiot so I knew they were coming I just wasn't expecting them to all come with in a years time.

The first thing will be a move. I am looking forward to this but it does come with some stress as I have a lot of stuff (OK Cyndy.... maybe it is more than a lot!!) This move will come with mixed feelings...first I am very grateful that God has allowed me to stay in the same neighborhood for the last 20 years...I have been fortunate to be surrounded by wonderful people who have helped to form my children in positive ways and it has been a gift. I have realized lately that although I love this area and am thrilled to have been here, it is time to leave. This street has many memories, good and bad. I will miss it but will look forward to making new memories.

The second thing will be my job. Any of you who know me know that I love what I do. The problem is two fold, one I can no longer survive on what I am making...this sucks but is a reality I need to face, the other is that my partner whom I love (yes Kim I mean you) is going to be leaving soon. I am thrilled for her and her husband but a bit afraid for me....who will take her place? Again if you know me well you know there is some tension at work and although I can handle the level it is at now I am not sure I can handle any more depending on who is chosen to take Kim's place (well no one can take her place..) This realization is a bit scary as it may mean change that I am not ready for.

The third thing is something that I shouldn't be worried about for awhile but I am sick and therefore allowed to wallow a wee is only one year until Jordan graduates...yes my friends this scares me as it is then that my current job description will change. For the past 14 years I have been a single mom, everything I have done, every decision has been based on what is best for my kids. This role is also coming to an end, I will always be a mom and I NEVER regret the choices I have made over the past years but soon I will be the mom of all adults...much different than toddlers and teenagers. I am not sure what kind of changes this will bring but I do know that parenting adults is different ( I do after all have 2 of them). I know I still have a way to go but it is going to be more change.

So my friends, that is what I have been thinking about...fortunately I know that God has walked me through the first half of this saga I call life and I am positive He will continue to be with me as I make some decisions about the upcoming changes.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

A Year in Siberia??

I have been a good friend...that I have been unhappy the last few months...unhappy usually equates to grumpy so I have decided the only way to handle the situation is to ground myself...I think a year in exile in Siberia should suffice.

Now I just spent a half an hour pouring out my heart and soul (skipping certain things of course) into this almost made me feel better until I went to proof it and POOF it was gone...kind of ironic considering the content. I guess the bottom line is yes, I have suffered some heavy blows the last few months, most of which I cannot change, they have made me unhappy in a number of areas of my life. Even though there are things I cannot change and do not like I know that God is good and gracious and will eventually work the details.

Since the first 'draft of this post' has left me somewhat drained I will leave it at this. To my friends who are concerned I am not myself.....please pray; to those who feel I have been too hard on them....please forgive me; to those who wonder what is wrong....please allow me the time to process and grieve, I will eventually share it with you.

Moses said to the people "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14 : 13-14