Sunday, August 28, 2011


This week I have a read 5 books that do not relate to work at all while drinking a lot of iced coffee on my patio in the sun, or while sitting in the shade at Mill Lake....I am now starting a much needed week off!

The past few weeks I have been on auto pilot, simply getting through each day with one thing on my mind: that this week is coming, that I have no plans, that I plan on reading and most of all naps!! Yup, sleep and read all day, dinners & fun in the evening....please Lord, let this week be rejuvenating.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.
Matthew 11:28-30 NLT 

 Weary...yes, I am weary. Burdens...yes, I have many. The Lord says 'come to me'.... if we want the rest we need to be able to move toward Him, today I am one step closer and I am grateful for the yoke He gives me. Jesus himself is the true Sabbath, He gives us a personal I revel in it and feel better than I have in a very long time. Thank you Jesus ♥

Saturday, August 20, 2011

God's gifts...

This past week seemed fairly uneventful... as though life has been moving in slow motion, I got through each day with minimal effort but still felt a bit disconnected from it all. I have prayed that God would provide me with small gifts to help me feel always He has provided.

Last Saturday I was blessed with a new friend, she was a gift in many ways...this friend was a gift, she in not someone I will see often as she lives far away but her words will stay with me and be an encouragement as I continue my journey.

That evening, I had dinner with a friend who also has a son with diabetes, it was not a good week for him. The experience reminded me how fortunate I am that Jordan is so good at managing his own diabetes...he is an amazing young man and I am so proud of him for more reasons than I have room to write about in a blog...another gift.

Sunday dawned with sunshine and the promise of an afternoon at the park with another special friend and her little boy....the fellowship of the afternoon was refreshing, an affirmation...I enjoyed the time with her and her little man watching him as he grows and learns...yup, you got it, yet another gift.

Monday I was met at the door by my grandson with a dramatic "ta da da da" (reminded me of the old Imperial Margarine commercial), he was quite proud of his work for the week and could not wait to share his accomplishment. It still puts a smile on my face to think of it. We enjoyed dinner, the park and story time before I headed off to my appointment. I am so fortunate to have this bundle of joy in my life, he certainly helps me gain perspective and showers me with unconditional love ♥ He and his mommy are certainly a gift.

Each day that followed came with a gift. Some big, some little, when I failed to recognize them, He reminded me that they were just that. I am once again humbled by his gentle and caring manner this week. God knew that I felt fragile and bruised and each day he gave me comfort, gently coaxing me through each day...finishing off the week with a beautiful and quiet Saturday and the promise of a fun filled day at Science World with my kids (this is one of our favorite things to do)...I look forward to many laughs and looks of wonder as we explore tomorrow.

Although there are parts of my life that are in question and upheaval, God has graciously reminded me not to become overwhelmed by the big picture but to focus on each day and the blessings that come with seek out the gift of the day and be grateful for know that He loves me, even when I find that hard to believe...I guess it was an eventful week after all...

So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession.
James 1:16-18

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Airshow weekend...

The airplanes over head bring mixed feelings for me...I love them, the noise, the vibrations the feeling you get as they approach and then before you know it they are on the other side causing your head to flip around as you try and track them...yes, since I was a little girl I have loved the airshow, sitting with my gramps in a field eating berries waiting for the next one to fly overhead, listening to his endless stories (he had a love for all things mechanical and would talk about old planes, single engines, bi planes...I can't remember what he said, but I can remember feeling so loved by his side). These are the memories that make me smile, the ones that warm my heart, the ones I hold dear ♥

Airshow weekend also marks my anniversary, this would be 29 years...I loved that the planes flew over us on our wedding day as our family and friends gathered in the most beautiful yard (my safe haven for years before and years after)...little did I know back then that the roar of the jets would one day remind me of the turbulence that marriage endured, that each year I would hear them over head and be reminded of a moment of happiness and a lifetime of hardship.

This year is bit different, this year I watched the jets and simply enjoyed them, this year I was not immediately reminded of my failure but watched in wonder wishing Austin was here so I could see the amazement on his little face as they came so close to our patio (I can so hear him say "Whoaaaa Gramma, look at that" in his extremely dramatic & trademark style). I am grateful this year is different, maybe I have too many other hurts to deal with, maybe the failure doesn't hold the same grip on me, maybe I am just ready to enjoy the simple moments in life...I am not sure of the reason but the reality is I shall always be reminded of many memories on this weekend....the gift is that the good memories definitely outweigh the bad ones.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

James 1:17 (ESV)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Thank you ♥

This week has been peppered with little rays of encouragement...and I am thankful for them. None of my circumstances have changed but it is my hope and prayer that my response to them will. As I continue on this journey I find writing helps, that it is a soothing balm long abandoned. Many years ago I wrote often, however there was not time while raising my children so I put down my pen and stopped. It is one of the solitary activities that I am finding comfort in once again.

Imagine my surprise last week when an friend I have not seen in years commented on this blog, then the mother of a close friend and finally an author that I am a big fan of!! She said it had been accidental..and it hadn't... that God had led her here and she took time to send me an email...I hope to one day be able to let her know how much it meant to me, how it came on a day when I was feeling quite was amazing the power her few words held, it was amazing that God used her to encourage someone she did not know. It was as though God had sent me a quick note using three very different and unlikely people to do so...and I am humbled by them.

I love the book of Exodus, God uses it often to encourage me. Today I cannot help but think of Aaron, Hur & Moses...

10 So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. 11 As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. 12 When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. 13 So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword. Exodus 17:10-13 NIV

Thank you to those of you who encourage me, thank you to those of you who accept me cracks and all, thank you to those of you who love me and lift me up. Thank you to those who stand by me and hold my hands high. Thank you to God who does indeed love me unconditionally and has blessed me with many Aaron & Hur's.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Cracks in my amour...

This week I have repeatedly heard people say that you should let people see the cracks in your amour as 'this is where God shines through'....stick with me on this thought.
This morning I went on a 'walk' with a small group of people I do not know well, after many excuses I decided that I would go. What I was unaware of was this was much more of a hike than a then it was too I took a deep breath and started up the mountain. This is when I met the lovely Stella, she was my buddy, she is an artist and saw more beauty than I, she was encouraging and her stories kept my mind off the lack of breath and pain I was feeling...did I mention that this hike was 45+ minutes uphill...I kept walking, not looking up for fear of quitting, just putting one foot in front of the other and hoping I would make it and not die right there on the trail. Up we went and Stella make mention of this cracked armour again...I said nothing and kept walking up the uneven terrain and crossing the makeshift bridges. It was a gorgeous trail with the sun breaking through and I looked at the layers of beauty (Stella's words) that God had created. When I thought I would surely die, a wonderful meadow appeared filled with summer flowers, a breeze and a glorious flat stretch...I thought I had made it only to find we were about half way....I kept going. Eventually I came to the top, although it had hurt and there had been uncertainty, I made it!!

The view was nothing short of spectacular, I recognized land marks and I was above it..with the encouragement of strangers (now friends), I had overcome this trail and sat on the edge of the mountain with the sun shining...those shafts of light I had enjoyed on the trail were only a small piece of the sun that God had put forth this morning. We started down (much much easier thank goodness) I had more time and breath to enjoy the scenery and it hit life is much like that hike. As I moved closer to the top, there was pain and a lack of breath but without it I may have missed the glory of what God gave me at the top. It was as though he said, "Yes my darling, this is a year of pain...hurtful and seemingly unattainable however if you focus on me and my beauty I will get you to the top and you shall enjoy all I have to offer in a new light".

Today God shone light through my cracked armour and with His help I shall heal from the attacks that fractured it to begin with...

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

To wither or not to wither...that is the question...

Finally summer has arrived and my poor tomato plant is feeling the heat....although I water it each day (sometimes twice), the lack of shade has made it look wilted and some of the leaves are burned. The fruit is still growing and maturing, it soaks up the water I give it and yet sometimes even though I care for it, the circumstances cause it stress and it dies a little.

Today I feel a bit like my baby the circumstances of my life make me die a little, not enough to stop the growth or wither completely but enough to feel damaged. I feel caught off guard and unsure of what the next move should be. Fortunately I have hope, fortunately I have people around me who will be supportive, fortunately I have a God who loves me and understands me better than anyone, fortunately He loves me despite the damage. Tonight all I can do is turn to Him and pray...fortunately He has given me a prayer when I cannot pray for myself....
17Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
19GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.
Habakkuk 3 (ESV)