A change of pace!

There was a time when late nights were the norm, pots of coffee and studying while trying to raise 3 children became a thing that was so normal!

As I have struggled to reevaluate and move out of a place of weariness I have decided to revamp many of my daily practices....my home has been revamped, my desk cleaned, my eating habits and schedules changed. One of the things I am changing is this blog....instead of late night musings I shall now spend my mornings in a state of pondering .

Feel free to join me there: 

https://earlymorningpondering.blogspot.com/

Thank you for joining me on this journey called life.

Without Sadness

For some reason I am feeling sad the past few weeks. . . it is actually kind of silly since there are SO many good things going on in the lives of my kids and extended family, even many of my friends are having exciting things happen in their worlds.

Most of us do not see sadness as a gift, it is my hope that with some effort I can see it as just that. . .  a gift, one that I can embrace rather than seeing it as something horrific that needs to be avoided? It is important to note that my 'sadness' is not a feeling of being unhappy but more of a melancholy. . . . the distinction is important. Although it is true that we are no good when our sadness engulfs us I think there is also value in it, by facing the sadness we curb the urge to run away (or at least I hope we do).

I trust that my sadness will give me the opportunity to grow. Growth often happens in quiet moments of reflection so over the next few weeks I will practice the following exercises:

Meditation: I have been introduced to restorative yoga as of late. The quiet calm it allows me has become a vital part of my daily routine for which I am very grateful. 

Gratitude: It seems a gratitude journal is once again a practice that I need to start...3 things a day can certainly help counter any doom and gloom and remind me of the fantastic parts of my life. 

Retrain the Mind: Come up with a word or phrase that can be like a mental stop sign. It is my hope that it will the negative and direct my attention to the positive and productive things in my day. 

Practice Self Compassion:  Give myself the same kindness and care I would give  a good friend. . . . for some reason this one is hard for me. 

Connect with Friends: It is time to reach out to the people who bring a feeling of safety and happiness to my world and get out of the house more often. 

Find a Project: This includes both at home and something that is bigger, a volunteer position that makes me smile and gives a sense of purpose. (First project at home has already started!)

So now the time has come to learn from the sadness....

 and change it to happiness!

I am flawed!

This is something I realize more and more each day. . .I am flawed! FYI, this will come as absolutely NO surprise to those around me.

The problem is not with my flaws but with the way that I have spent the last few years perceiving them. I understand this but for some reason have been unable to shake the feeling of being damaged the last couple of years. So I have been looked for a way to change the way I think (and being flawed I have failed for the time being ).

Then a friend called and asked if I wanted to read a book with her. I said yes very quickly without actually looking at the subject manner. . .that will teach me!!

Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be is a best-selling book by Rachel Hollis and is described as mixing up a "memoir, motivational tips, Bible quotations and common-sense girl talk." 

Perhaps looking at the lies I tell myself will help me to rediscover that the flaws I have are simply slight imperfections that make me who I am...unique, maybe even a bit special.

Here is to seeing if I can change my perception to beautifully flawed rather than irreparably damaged!

I sure hope so, I hope that is is one of the steps that will lead to me being able to engage in my year of delight!!

No such thing as too many books!

Once upon a time, a long time ago my grandmother gifted me with my first chapter book, the rest is history.I fell in love and became a veracious reader. . . I always had a book in my possession. As I grew older I had one in my purse, one or two beside my bed and  one in the car in case I had to wait for the kids somewhere. There was nothing more satisfying that getting lost between the pages! I am not sure exactly when that waned but after some tragic life events I began to find it hard to concentrate on the page in front of me. The characters no longer called me as strongly as they once had,  my eyes began to fail making reading much less pleasurable and slowly the books took longer to read and began to stay on the shelf. 

Though I did not read as much as I once had I still garnered great pleasure finding what books where on the best read list or in a trip to a book store and my collection continued to grow...I am of the mind that you can never have too many books so my collection did not dwindle. Unfortunately the books started to pile and I knew it was time for me to take action!

I have a special book shelf for unread books and realized recently (much to my horror) that it is now two special book shelves. Obviously this problem needed to be resolved as quickly as possible! I am not sure how most people would approach such a dilemma but I hit it head on. . . first I rearranged my shelves to accommodate all the unread material (starting with the ones I want to read the most of course), I then assessed how many new book shelves would be required to house the books that would be staying ( I do actually cull them once a year and send many back to the used book store) and then I started adding reading to my daily schedule again. How delightful it was to become lost in a far away land or empathize for someone who had lived through wartime tragedies. . . my passion was being reignited one page at a time!

When my last baby left home I formulated a plan to turn switch up the bedrooms and turn the larger master into a new library. . . I have ALWAYS wanted a library and it seemed to be the right time to make this a reality. Oh, it would not be the grand library of my childhood day dreams, there would be no murals on the ceilings, no rolling ladders to reach the top shelves, it would not be filled with ancient treasures and hand painted globes but it would be my refuge.

Who knew that 'According to Jennings', a book about a young boy going to preparatory school in England would instill such a love of literature, it would be where my daydreams began and continued to grow, it would be the start of wanting to create a library of my very own. Now, many years later I shall make it a reality. . . I look forward to having a place where wonder and imagination rule.

The Year is 2019 and I choose...

The year has started, 2019 has arrived. There was a time when that felt so very far away however I have discovered that time keeps moving (sometimes quickly) and before you know it the year I thought was only in science fiction movies is right in front of me.

For the record, the past few years have been difficult! Don't get me wrong, they were infused with many wonderful moments and milestones but also shadowed by darkness and loss. . . that time is now over! As I start this new year I know that I am extremely blessed and I  choose to live each new day infused by delight!

Yesterday I was delighted to start a new blanket for my beloved son and his new bride, today it is the ability to enjoy a fresh salad with homemade dressing, tomorrow it is coffee with a friend. . . each day is filled with moments and it is up to me to choose how to react to them. I choose delight!

I wanted to have the word in Hebrew as a reminder so I asked the best scholar I know to translate a version I had found on-line, he was kind enough to send the following reply:

תענוג "Delight, pleasure. The notion of making the guts soft. That 'full but not stuffed' or that happy buzz from a glass of wine with an old friend... all the wonder and comfort without the dread of a negative coming."

and it is perfect, it is exactly what I want from this year, a type of Danish hygee that will surround me and my loved ones. . . an appreciation for the small things in life that bring me pleasure. . . and if I am lucky perhaps I can delight my loved ones in return  💜