The past 10 days...

10 days have passed, 10 days of working out and eating right...10 days of looking for a house to move to...10 days of having no luck in any of these things...10 days of wondering....

Lets start with the 'new' lifestyle...I have been working out 5 days a week, watching what I eat and taking my vitamins...so far I have not noticed a change, gained a few pounds actually, now that my friends is a bit of a kick in the pants...I will admit to a bit of disappointment however I am still committed to continuing on this journey. I do think that I am feeling better although the stress of the last few months has made it difficult to notice.

The other hard part is the realization that we are going to have to move into a small place that is probably situated in a neighborhood that I am not thrilled with. This is a very hard thing for me to deal with...I am surprised by the feelings that I am having...not quite ready to downsize and it makes it apparent that the dream is definitely gone. I now that it is stupid but I am finding that I am grieving the loss of being comfortable in my old age, you know the one...sitting with the one you love on the porch waiting for the grandkids to arrive and bake cookies...a little house with the mortgage almost paid off and the occasional trip to someplace tropical in the winter...and for the record it makes me mad!

Now please don't get me wrong, I love most things about my life....I could live without the financial hardship but I love my kids and adore my handsome grandson!! I am fortunate enough to also have an adopted granddaughter who is cute as can be. I have a job I love (albeit a bit stressful these days) and some of the most amazing friends anyone could have....I still sometimes long for a life that is not quite so difficult.

So as hard as some of it is, as much as some days throwing in the towel seems like a good plan I intend to go on with the new lifestyle, I plan to look for a home that Jordan & I can be comfortable in and I plan to continue to trust that God will provide..

He that endureth to the end shall be saved.
--Matthew 10:22

....so I shall endure =)

Feeling a bit down today...

So if I am journaling my journey, then I guess I need to take the good with the bad...this week has been hard. First I am very emotional and although I am eating properly and taking all the recommended vitamins I am still feeling a bit more blue than normal. At the weigh in I had lost a whole whopping ounce...that totally sucks as I have jewellery that weighs more than that!! I then realized I had been driving without insurance...unbelievable I know, cannot fathom how I managed to forget that. Surprise!! I needed air care too so that means that I had to pick up a permit before I could even get new insurance. After that was all cleared up, I was thrilled to find a letter from my landlord...lets just say it is not good and if you know a place to live I happen to know someone who is looking (unfortunately she cannot afford much).

So much stress and I do not know how to eliveate it....I am a very tired lady, tired of making decisions, tired of paying bills, tired of not being able to pay bills, tired of stress and tired of not being able to make my life work. It sucks and I feel very done.

OK now that the rant is over, I know that I will be fine...I do not enjoy being a needy wimp and God has never let me down. I am very fortunate to have wonderful friends, one of whom reminded me tonight that Jesus is my best friend and He already has a plan. I am grateful for that assurance, I will go to bed, try to sleep and wake up tomorrow to come up with a plan.

God is more than big enough to handle my little life....

It has begun!!

Well the challenge has begun! This means a few lifestyle changes that I may or may not be ready to deal with however for better or worse I am in...I am being measured, weighed, monitored and kept accountable. I am not finding some of the changes easy however I will continue to do what I need to in hopes of regaining some health. The hardest part right now is eating breakfast...well drinking it actually, I have been doing the protein thing in the morning since food that early often makes me feel sick. I am also on a 5 day a week exercise program...my body is somewhat protesting =)

Upon looking a some 'biofeedback' it has been noted that my thyroid is in distress, protein absorption is low and vitamin B level is almost non existant...hmmm...could this be from the inordinate amounts of stress my life holds...yes, yes I think it could be. The question is what to do about these deficientcies....the first thing is rest, eat well and do the stinkin' exercise...yes I am a bit bitter, the exercise makes me sweat!! Oh well it will all be worth it if I can start to feel better and have a higher energy level...guess it is time to see where this journey will take me.