Quest for...

What do you do when you realize a month has passed and you have accomplished little?? Sit down and blog about it?? I feel the need to publicly admit that I sometimes have periods of little or no discipline...apparently this is one of those times. Although the past month has been busy and full of surprises, mostly think I have just been lazy. A few weeks ago I  hit a milestone, one that I knew was well on its way, in fact many of you have accompanied me as I journeyed to this place. I have hit the point in my life where all my kids are grown, doing well and not in need of constant mothering. This was solidified with Jordan introducing his girlfriend to the family....yup, my baby is dating a wonderful girl whom we like very much!!

Now the question is what does that mean for my life....it means I need to re-evaluate what I want to accomplish in this next phase, unfortunately that is always easier said than done! It means that some of my 'mantras' of years past are no longer valid and I have to form new ones.  It means I have done my job and will take a moment or two breath and thank God for without his intervention and grace I am sure that our family would not be where we are. At the beginning of the journey it meant being scared, now it means being thankful!!

Yesterday I read Steven James new book Quest for Celestia,  the retelling of The Pilgrims Progress. Interesting fact, Bunyan's book was thought to be the best selling book other than the Bible for over 200 years...I cannot help that I like that sort of trivia, anyway now I digress... I never could quite get into the original story, but as I read this version I became engrossed in the journey and the characters. I cringed as they discovered their disease, I followed as they faced danger and scant moments of reprieve, I was thrilled when Kadin & Leira finally make it to Celestia.  At the end of the journey, Kadin "remembered questioning Gaius about the goodness of the King in contrast to the suffering we'd experienced in our travels, and now realized that pain is part of the journey. The King loved me enough to pursue me even when I did not he was there."  As I read I thought perhaps that is my answer, God has loved me enough to bring me through many years of pain....perhaps now is the time for me to pursue the King.

"Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
   but he will heal us;
he has injured us
   but he will bind up our wounds." 

Hosea 6:1

a lazy day....and its good!

I awoke to what I hoped was going to be a beautiful day....then I realized it was snowing again!! Now I love the snow but for the record, it is March and I live on the coast, the crocus's have poked out already and this white stuff is messing with us!!

Despite the weather, I got up, made coffee, started laundry and wondered what to do next...ok, confession of the day .... I have learned to enjoy 'lazy'. I know what I should be doing but what I end up doing may be a completely different story. This love for doing nothing started over Christmas, I was told  I needed to rest & for the first time in a VERY long time I did just that...and I liked it!! Now when Saturday arrives....well, I wish I could wiggle my nose, have all the housework and errands done so that I can pick up a new book and read until bedtime.

 Which brings me to this morning's dilemma...to clean, to read, to study, to workout?? How about write a quick post instead...it is doing something while still getting to sit in my comfy chair with my coffee and my feet up...I will find balance, I will indeed do the laundry and clean the house, I may even bake Jordan some healthy muffins for the week...but I will also rest, I will pull out some books and read.

Speaking of  reading, I am reading  "Grace for the Good Girl" by Emily Freeman again, I rarely do this but am sure I missed important stuff as I quickly read through it the first time. This is an incredible book that talks about letting go, chapter 7 is called 'Falling apart: hiding behind strength and responsibility'.  I have spent my life feeling responsible; responsible for good grades, helping my mom with my siblings, filling gaps, keeping my marriage together, my kids, a clean house, paying bills, did I say my kids...the list is so long that I only wrote the obvious ones. Being responsible is a good thing, we are called to be good stewards but hiding behind a mask of strength & responsibility is not. The following thought resonated with me so I will share it: 

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise:
God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.
1 Corinthians 1:27

Freeman writes that it seems backwards to her, that she would have done it differently (me too I must admit)...but that is the way of Jesus....that His grace is enough and that our weakness is ultimately a pathway to experiencing His strength. 'Weak' is not necessarily the bad 4-letter word I have always thought it to be...that hiding behind that mask of responsibility is not only exhausting but it ultimately portrays that we have it all together, that we can handle our messes and we don't need anyone...but far worse that we do not need God. That is not what I want to portray, that is not truth...for the truth is without God I would have crumbled many years ago.

Excellent & Praiseworthy

I am so sorry that I have been remiss in posting the last couple of weeks...forgive me. As I try to get everything accomplished I cannot help but wonder if my merry-go-round will ever stop to let me off?? Until that happens, it is my plan to hold on and enjoy the ride!!

Even with being so busy the last two weeks, I knew if I did not post something this morning (before heading out to a conference in Surrey) I would feel bad so I thought I would look up a 'verse of the day'...Here it is:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, 

whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is 

excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things . 

Philippians 4:8 NIV

That verse is fitting..........

First it was my son's 28th birthday, it seems impossible that the time has gone by so quickly. I will not share too much but after 3 short hours of labour, on a quiet snowy morning he made his entrance...he has been my quiet child every since, he has overcome much in his short life and he amuses me to no end...I love him even more now than the morning they placed him in my arms. Happy Birthday Baby, I am SO proud of you!! You are excellent and praiseworthy so I think of you!!

Second, as you know I am involved in a Freedom class, I cannot share a lot of the details but last night we got together for a meal and communion...it has been 6 months since we started (3 more to go). Each of us were facing different issues, each of us were looking for healing and freedom....each of us has made remarkable progress on that quest...each of us owes the power of that healing to a God who loves us, who is excellent and praiseworthy and I thank Him!!

So today as I go about trying to get everything done, I will  try not to let frustration take hold but think only of those things that are true, that are noble, that are pure and good....today I will think of the many wonderful gifts that God provides.....

and I will praise Him !!