What is it I want??

Today I wonder what it is that I want to accomplish through my attempt to blog....I started this process for me to work through some of the issues that seemed to plague me thinking that no one would ever read my words but have realized that is not true...thank you to those who have been encouraging me. Along with that encouragement came the realization that people are reading so I had best be sensitive to what and who I write about, it kind of scared me off a bit and I have been remiss in posting once a week as I had originally wanted...which leads me to the question "What is it I want this blog to accomplish?"


So here are a couple of things I have come up with....I want to share my journey in hopes that it  is an encouragement to others, I want to be disciplined and follow through with writing more often as the creative side gives me pleasure and since I love to study, I want to apply what I learn in God's word as I walk through this journey. I am not sure if I am close to accomplishing that as of yet but I am not a quitter and will continue towards this goal. Of course the first verse that comes to mind is well know...


"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us," Hebrews 12:1

I am not sure how well I have run the race as of late but I know I will continue to persevere,  I pray that you will too.

Seaweed sandwich...

Yup, a seaweed sandwich!

That is an apt description of how I feel lately. It has been a long time since writing and there are many reasons for that, I am sure that I will elaborate soon but for now there is still much to formulate about the journey that I have been on. So much of my healing involves stories that are not mine to tell so I have hesitated to try and put it into words....although I need to be careful about what I share I have also come to realize that putting it off  is one of my coping skills...avoidance.

When life is busy and full I prioritize....and grieving the losses and mistakes in my life has NOT been a priority, right or wrong I push it off and move on with more 'pressing' matters. This week I have thought of Jonah often...I believe there is a reason for that. Much like Jonah I have tried to hide from what I know needs to happen and find myself upset over the loss of my 'thistle'...sad but true. 

So I have found myself inside a large fish...

¹Then Jonah prayed to the LORD his God from the belly of the fish, ²saying,
    "I called out to the LORD, out of my distress,
   and he answered me;
out of the belly of Sheol I cried,
    and you heard my voice.

...it is time to continue on, pick off the seaweed and continue on to Ninevah

⁹ But I with the voice of thanksgiving
   will sacrifice to you;
what I have vowed I will pay.
    Salvation belongs to the LORD!" (Jonah 2 ESV)

...and pray that I will not mourn the loss of a thistle but rejoice God's mercy.