Tired...

The first week of February is already past...I am not sure how it happened! This week is half over and I have not managed to do much of anything. I feel a bit inadequate, I know in my heart it is a lie but my head is not so easily convinced.

I think most of it stems from the fact that I am tired...not so much physically, I actually feel pretty good for an old lady but emotionally is a much different story. February is always a bit hard for me, it is the month that my life took a forever change...as of this month I have been looking after my family alone for 17 years...and when I look at that I admit there is a small part of me that simply deflates and feels like I have failed.

Now in all fairness there is much good that has happened over those years, I do not regret the decision to raise my children alone...they are better for it but I am tired. I am tired working full time, I am tired of finances that never quite cover all the bills, I am tired of making decisions, I am tired of laundry (aren't we all) and I think that for the first time ever I am truly  tired of doing it alone.

So in the interest of getting out of my pathetic moment (and the fact that I do not have the energy to rewrite something more upbeat) I will say this: I am fortunate to have a job, I am amazed that God has stretched what little I had to cover what I need, I am surprised I have not made more poor decisions (the potential was certainly there)....the laundry still makes me tired....and I know that I am not alone.

Yes, today I am tired but I am also grateful that God's promises are real and not rote...today I fully understand the meaning of Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”