Saturday, January 23, 2016


One year...a lot can happen in a year...

When I last wrote I was in a place that was filled with hope, excitement and promise. I was so sure it was my year but alas in retrospect that was wishful thinking. I have a number of writings during that time but I think I shall keep those private and start again....perhaps it will lead to some healing.

Last year I was managing  2 Village stores and after a crazy fall season that included opening the second store and Christmas I was looking forward to our first rug sale (which can be a wee bit of work). It was shortly after I wrote the last post that I found out my dad was going to have the heart surgery he had been needing and although it was not without risk I was hopeful, it was scheduled right in the middle of the sale but I still felt confident we would get through it all. Friday morning, April 17th I left home very early to head into Vancouver with my parents....while I waited for my father to come out of surgery my beloved grandson was at a doctors appointment of his own, seeing a neurologist. Dad came out of surgery that day and we were told it had gone well, unfortunately my grandson had a diagnosis of  a seizure disorder that would change his everyday living. We chose to take a deep breath and move forward. Medication would help the little man cope with his episodes and there was a possibility that he would out grow them. That evening it was discovered that dad would go back into surgery for some bleeding issues but the doctors did not seem overly concerned and  we still felt it was going to be ok....we were wrong.

I do not have the heart or space to fill you in with the many challenges, extra surgeries and issues that ensued but it was exactly 6 weeks (almost to the hour) that our family gathered to say good bye to our father, husband, brother, grandpa and friend...we were shattered and exhausted.

 Only 2 short days later, on June 1st,  the stress of losing her beloved rock was too much and my mom was in the hospital with a mild heart attack...thank God she came through without any permanent damage and after a week in the hospital was able to come home. We started to sort through my dad's affairs while trying to establish her in her new reality. For the second time in as many months we moved her into her new apartment and continued to deal with the many changes. During the few days prior to my dad's passing we had also found out that my daughter had lost another little angel (this was not the first and she was shattered) ...our hearts were so heavy we weren't sure how we would ever deal with it...but again we took a deep breath and chose to be strong and courageous as we worked toward healing.

Life seemed to be gaining a bit of normalcy and again a glimmer of hope crept into my world. We are a family of survivors, we were coping, we were making headway....and then the phone rang....

July 27, only two months after my dad's death I received a midnight call that my only brother had been found at my parent's property, it was determined that he had died in the early hours of Saturday morning and once again our world came crashing was getting harder and harder to breath.  My sister made her 7th trip from Calgary in 4 months and together we worried about my mom, niece and nephew...we dealt with a number of difficult issues that I will not share today....we were once again shattered.

The next two months were a whirlwind of chaos, death certificates, doctors, lawyers, sister and I did the divide and conquer routine as we supported mom in her many changes and took care of each estate. We planned a celebration of life for the two men in our lives and once again we chose to take a deep breath and move forward. We were (and are) very grateful that medication had my little man's seizures under control, my daughter was again pregnant and this little miracle was growing like he should (due right around my dad's birthday) and I was once again hopeful....certainly there were no more surprises in our world, certainly we would finally be able to fully grieve our losses and celebrate our victories...certainly the chaos of the year was over.

 Unfortunately it was world would once again be would be nothing as traumatic as what had already happened but still raw and bruised from the previous months it seem to rock my world more than it should have...sigh....that however is another story. Perhaps I will be ready to write about it tomorrow but for today this post is too long and taking a deep breath is no longer as easy as it was just 10 short months ago.

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