Sunday, January 31, 2016

Wall of Sand

This past week I gave up my wall of busyness and succumbed to a wall of sand. A wall that would crumble at the slightest touch...I stopped completely, I burrowed into the sand, afraid to move for fear of it falling in around me. I gave myself a time frame and am both thrilled and horrified that it is now over. The problem is I am simply not sure what to do next.

I am person who values honesty more than anything, you may hurt my feelings for a moment or two but that is ok, just be honest and we can work through it....I hate being surprised more than just about anything and the blindside that began this newest journey eats at me. Had the people involved simply had the courage to tell the truth I think this would be a much different story. But alas, it is too late to change and now I must move on.

When I arrived home last week I opened my bible and here is what I saw on the first page:
Turn to me and have mercy,
for I am alone and in deep distress. Psalm 25:16 (NLT)
And then on the other side of the page:
Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
while I am here in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13 (NLT)

In my sand filled hideaway I read them and hoped, my head knew they were truth but my heart needed time to catch up. Now, a week later I am able to take a breath and move forward, dissect the words given to me and pray I am able to fully embrace them.

I don't often buy into the 'simply open your Bible' method of study but as I look into these verses I have to admit that there is comfort in these seemingly random verses. Now that I have had time to rest it is with a renewed spirit that I look at Psalm 25 which starts with 'To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.' , an expression of trust and faith. As I read the full Psalm I see themes of not only trust but guidance, forgiveness, praise, friendship and the prayer of protection.... Ok, I certainly needed that :)

And then Psalm 27, it is more than a simple expression of confidence, it is also the cultivation of confidence....the confidence I did not feel  am having a hard time feeling. It ends with: "Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!". That is how I choose to start this new week, waiting for God to step in and heal my heart...still somewhat afraid of what is next but moving forward with Him rather than on my own....confident that this stretch of sand dessert is behind me and there is an oasis of beauty before me...confident that I will indeed see the Lord's goodness.

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