♪ ♫ In the ghetto ♪

As I earnestly search for a new home, this Elvis song keeps playing over and over in my head...although I am not ready to admit defeat, I am also not having much luck at finding a place to call home. The bottom line is with exorbitant rental costs we will not be able to stay in an area anywhere close to what we have grown accustomed to.

Now please understand that it makes me sad but at the same time I feel gratitude...a long time ago when Gary & I separated I asked that God would allow me to stay in a safe and stable home until the kids finished school. He has honored that request and I have been able to keep the kids on the same street from Josh's grade 2 year to Jordan's graduation (21 years~ wow), not many single moms can say that and it was very important to me. Thank you God for your graciousness and for the village that helped me to raise my children with few incidents =) Now it is time to take a deep breath and move to a place that we can afford (there is that song again ♫)

I am also a bit down about this make over challenge, for 5 weeks I have worked out and eaten well to stay the same weight, thats right I gained the 2 pounds and am right back where I started from....damn!! Again I feel torn as I do feel better & less stressed, I am sleeping better and have more energy than I have had in a long time....I should be grateful but somehow the scale has become the sign of success and each day I struggle to overcome it and be happy with a healthy outcome. I am committed to continue so if you see me failing please feel free to kick my sorry behind.

Now for the moment of nostalgia....27 years ago my beautiful blue eyed baby boy was born. He entered the world very quickly and made me the envy of the other moms. I loved him from the very first moment, he was the most amazing baby , happy & content and slept through the night by the time he was 3 weeks old (scared the crap out of me the first time). Today he is a man who has overcome much hardship and I am very proud of the person he has become!! I love you Josh and can hardly believe how quickly those precious moments turned to years. Happy Birthday Baby!!!

Clapton....need I say more?

Last night, we watched a legend....Slowfingers, an ironic nickname to be sure, was amazing and we could not help but be transfixed!! If you know me, you know that I love Eric Clapton, and my son borders on worshipping him so the almost front row seats that we occupied made the night one we will not forget! His music is so sharp and crisp....I have seen a lot of shows in my day but none of them compare to Clapton, his old rug, incredibly talented 4 piece band and 2 backup singers! He is so good that he does not need all the fan fare of some of the other concerts I have been to....he is still the best show ever!! At the end of March he will be 67 years old and there is no way you could tell that by his performance...*sigh*...

Well I could go on about him forever...but I won't....I want to do a quick update on my Makeover Challenge before we head out to Surrey for the day. Finally this week I lost a bit of weight...after a month of working out and watching what I was eating I had a bit of a breakthrough. As you know the first 3 weeks were frustrating me, this week I lost 2.6 pounds and 7.5 inches!! I did not think I would be so excited by a couple of pounds but the inches somehow made is seem like more of an accomplishment. I am committed to a lifestyle change and will work at hopefully loosing some more weight!!

Now it is off to Surrey to finish Jordans tattoo...can't wait to see it done!! Have a good weekend everyone!!!

Finally went on a cruise...

Well not a real cruise but the emotion of almost dying was pretty intense....guess I should start at the beginning. As you all know (well both of you), I am involved in a Make Over Challenge and spent this weekend at a seminar with 19 of my new friends.

First let me share my some frustration about this challenge. I have been at the gym 5 days a week for the last 3 weeks and have lost .6 of a pound...I do not know why this is but it sucks! Some of the other girls are at 20 pounds...some not much more than I but I very quickly discovered that this is not all about the weight. I feel GREAT! I am eating well, taking supplements and trying to pay attention to more sleep and my stress levels. I must admit that I have more energy (which is a good thing with my schedule), I can walk up stairs without sounding like 'Puff the Magic Dragon', I only wear my knee brace for half a day (due to stronger muscles) and I have lost a total of 4 inches! I guess it is not all frustrating huh!!

The surprise of the weekend was this soul searching seminar. Now I have done some of this type of thing before, I have helped lead them and seen the reaction and tears that follow yet I was surprised! We spent a lot of time looking at our past, our disappointments and our hurts...I thought I had dealt with most of them but was caught off guard by some of the emotions that surfaced through this exercise. Although I am not sure I even want to print this, it may prove helpful. I am still angry at the many hardships of my life (even though some of them are of my own making), I am still hurt by some of the incidents in my childhood (I cant go farther than that yet) and I am super pissed at Gary, I am angry that I live financially insecure, that I am alone and that he will not sign the papers to give me closure.....these are all things I knew, things I have spent time working on. The shocker for me, what surprised me the most was my lack of confidence!! Yup I said it, I am not very confident in any of my abilities, in fact I am not sure I even have any. Oh I know I do certain things well but I feel I have no real talent, there is not really anything that I am gifted in, not particularly smart...I am just an unexciting common person. We were trying to write a personal mission statement and it was very difficult for me to do. Funny how our perceptions about ourselves affect our everyday thinking. I am not sure what to do about it at this point but I know I have to address it, pray about it and come up with a way to change it.

I am off to the gym now so I cant get into it more than that....but I will, and I hope that you will not be bored by my newest journey. I guess I will have to tell you about the cruise another day, but it was on this make believe cruise with 4 new friends that I discovered something quite disturbing about myself....it was also because of these new friends that I intend to do something about it!!!